Thursday, August 26, 2010

Lost Memories I Didn't Know I Had

My mom just told me that someone stole from us while we were moving. She's missing some jewelry, money, and picture. She said it was packed into a box with some other stuff and a jade buddha. My aunt has the buddha now saying she found it on the floor during the last sweep of the apartment and thought it was really nice (and it is) and should be kept so she took it home. Mom suspects that the thief was non-Asian, took out the buddha not knowing its worth, and took the box. I don't even remember such a thing when I was around the place but then again, there was such a big mess I might have just glazed over the whole scene.

The worst thing isn't the money or the jewelry. Sure, it took years to earn the money to purchase all those baubles and each one holds its own memories and sentimental values. I will miss those rings I used to put on my tiny fingers as a child wishing I was big enough to wear them. I will miss those necklaces and earrings I would mix and match as I played dress up. But those things can be replaced. Sure, it was part of my inheritance but I have a house now. If anything, those were outdated styles anyway.

The worst thing is the pictures. We lost all the pictures of my mom and dad's childhood. Most if not all of the photos were old portrait-type photos. Still-lives of a family to be printed and shown-off. Those kinds of pictures don't tell much of a story on their own but they were memories of a past untold.

My mother always told stories of how poor they were but those photos proved that the family had some money and I always used that in countering my mother's lessons of "we were so poor". I liked how my mom and her older sister looked so similar, then and now. I liked how grandma looked the same for so many years; it gave me comfort for my old age. I looked at those pictures and still wondered "who do I look like?".

My father was never much of a talker. He never told stories of his past. Everything I know came from my mother and her stories came from his sisters and his mother. With those stories and the look in his eyes of those photos, I could imagine what kind of child my father was. And how that child became the teenager in the convertible. And how that teenager became the man in bellbottoms. I still wonder how much of him I inherited.

All I can hope for now is that the thief was kind enough to give the pictures back and it's still in a box.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Next Step

I've officially taken the next step in my career. And I've never been so unsure. If someone presented me with this job when I first started college, I won't have even thought about it. It's not a lab job, why would I care? It might not be where I thought I would be but if this job works out the way I hope it would, then I would still end up where I want to be. As a coworker said, "It's your first adult job." It's definitely a step away from the job I got hired for. Here's to new futures.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

The importance of being alone

I was going to write this while I was in DC but I was really tired and never got the time.

This was the first vacation I was doing on my own. I met with this friends along the way so I guess it's not really alone but that first night in DC was all my own. I flew for the first time by myself and ate a restaurant by myself. I like to think of myself as independent and self-sufficient. I'm used to doing somethings by myself: shopping, museums and groceries. But those aren't abnormal things to do alone.
Being okay with being alone is something I need to learn. I think it's a bit silly to think that I will have someone to be with me all my life. Sure, it's sad to think about ending up alone. But isn't it healthier to realize these things now and learn to deal with it?

Monday, April 26, 2010


I realize everyone at work is stressed with various projects and I guess some people just don't deal with it very well. I'm tired of the constant arguing. I'm tired of trying to have to same fruitless conversation over again knowing that words aren't getting through. My instincts for flight are kicking in but where would I fly to? A new opportunity at work might present me with a way to avoid the issue while still allowing me to pursue my goals. But it will be a departure from where I thought I would be in life. Then again, I didn't really have a plan as to what I would be doing right now, just an idea of where I want to be so I guess it doesn't really matter?

Friday, February 26, 2010

One Quarter

A quarter century. The mid-twenties. My twenty-fourth year was much unexpected. A number of good things happened as well as a number of unpleasant events. In reflecting on the past year, I wonder how much I might have grown. Twenty-five years ago, I just breathed life. Twenty years ago, my only concern was my Barbies. Ten years ago, I discovered the greatest friends in the world. Three years ago, I set out to make my way in the world, so to speak. Last year...well, I don't know what last year was supposed to teach me. I feel my life has stalled a little bit. WIthout a defined step like a graduation, I don't know where I'm supposed to go in life. Sure I got a job and am moving through it like I'm supposed to but what else am I supposed to do? I suppose in this time before real commitments I'm supposed to enjoy life and experience the world. If I'm to have learned anything from the past year, then it's that life is unexpected and short. Maybe, it's even time to do something crazy.